Neena Gupta's 'Sach Kahun Toh': Behind the Cover

7 February, 2022

Image Credit: Author’s own

I am not an avid reader. I am very selective with my list of books. To begin with, I look for stories that choke me with emotions. Second, I read about characters I have already met in my conscious or subconscious mind at some point in life. Third, and the most important, is a conversational writing style with simple language as if the author is sitting next to me. I do not look for these factors consciously, but if the book I am reading replaces my mobile phone in the washroom, that's it. Sach hi kahun toh, 'Sach Kahun toh' fit the bill completely.

After weeks of procrastination, I ordered this autobiography and finished reading it in one go. I found that online reviews of the book are mixed. While most of these appreciate the honesty and courage of the author, a few are about flaws in the editing process. I am neither a leading author nor a publishing house's representative with any expert remarks. I am not here to point out typing errors or repetitions. Also, I am not going to talk about 'inspiration'. I feel people do not live to inspire me. They have their reasons; I must have mine. So, keeping aside any comment on language or editing, I share my review about some beautiful and hearty things I learned after reading this book.

About Neena Gupta

Neena ji comes across as very human throughout the book - loving and vulnerable, demanding and giving, confused and confident. In several instances, she emphasises her low self-esteem to show the world what lies beneath her boldness - highlighted extensively in media.

I identified with her childhood - much like any middle-class childhood where we had enough - limited but comfortable as she puts it. She played outdoor games including hide and seek and pithugram, like many of us, and was raised by educated parents who treated boys and girls equally. Everything looked simple, and normal from outside. She keeps shifting between addressing her mother as progressive and conservative. While her mother brought her modern clothes and watched movies at film festivals, she didn't allow her to go for movies.

One can sense the depth of her life through several incidences in the book. One such incident was when she got married while in college to be able to go on a trip with her boyfriend and unfortunately, got divorced after a year. Not many girls and their families back then had the courage to make such a decision. Most of those women would be grannies today, with children and grandchildren from their one and only marriage. So, the signs of a rebel existed from the beginning!

About Dilli and Mumbai

She was born and brought up in Dilli amid a mixed influence of Bengali and Punjabi cultures. She wasn't allowed to study in certain colleges or else ladki bigad jayegi. But she explains how studying in a college with women from different backgrounds, usually labelled as behan jis, and understanding their abilities helped her in life.

She vividly remembers an interview where she was asked to perform an act from her native place. She was baffled because she believed Delhi lacked any culture. Eventually, she discovered it in her movie Bazaar Sitaram based on her father's parental property and went on to win the National Award. Dilli's culture is challenging to understand. One, it is full of people of all kind and two, the culture exists in the old streets where one does not go unless and until there is a reason.

The Mumbai she describes in her book seems intimidating. She stayed in a hostel, in houses that her family bought for her, with her aunt, and in her own home. Having a place in Mumbai eased her life a bit. Wherever she lived, she found company - not that great all the time but there were people in her life. She invested in creating and sustaining relationships, which touched her in one or the other way.

About Theatre and Bollywood

She completed MPhil in Sanskrit from Delhi University. But the most enjoyable part of the book was her life at the National School of Drama (NSD), where she topped the class. NSD comes alive through her writing - the classrooms, the sessions, the hostel, her life with her classmates, and a problematic relationship. She also remembers how the institute was in chaos after Alkazi Sahib left; all of them were highly disappointed. It reinforces how leadership is important for institution building.

She did theatre for a long time before applying to NSD. I feel the challenge is to go out there and begin; she crossed that challenge early. She was brave. Her narrations of theatre are anything but glamourous, including an ugly fight, but she still found it all very exciting. It explains that eventually, it is all about you. If theatre, the way it is with little money and fame, drives you because you feel happy, then the field is for you. That's a beautiful lesson. If I stop getting money and recognition, will I continue doing what I do for a living? The answer to this question can liberate many of us.

Bollywood, as she depicted, appeared a different ball game. I have heard and read about the 'struggle' in Bollywood. As she explains, it included meeting prospective directors again and again with an expectation to get a role, trying to look one's best, managing an expensive portfolio shoot, confronting the casting couch, constantly facing rejection, being typecast, staying in low budget hotels, doing miniscule roles to meet expenses, standing in line with junior artists for food, crying oneself to sleep, and endlessly waiting for the big launch. Over and above, many strugglers may still never get their big break.

She also discusses her work on television. At some point, she was Star TV's most favourite artist. But she writes about how changing times and tastes, and her character in Kamzor Kadi Kaun, changed her relationship with Star forever and she was asked to leave. She faced setbacks, but came back stronger every time.

About Relationships, Family and Friends

She writes that most people would pick her book for the juicy details of her life. But they will be disappointed. I was not! I enjoy the intense aftermath so much more than the juicy bit. She had many relationships - a young affair leading to marriage and then divorce, a relationship with a man who was always two-timing her, her and Viv Richards' story, an affair with someone who refused to marry her without giving any reason while she was quite close to his family, and her second marriage. She looks at all these relationships with a lot of fondness except the second one where she was constantly miserable.

She was close to her family. She devotes one chapter to each of her three family members, and one each to her daughter and husband. She remembers her mother, father, and brother with a lot of love and beautiful memories. But she regrets not spending time with them, not being there for them when they needed her. When she was alone in Mumbai, down with measles, her mother made a surprise visit and took really good care of her. But many years later, when she died of cancer, she was all alone during the nights.

She talks about many close friends - from the theatre, from the film industry, from around the houses where she stayed. But some of these relations faded with time. This is the way it is!

About Life 

There are many heart-warming incidences in the book - about her friendship with Satish Kaushik, Soni Razdaan, Om Puri, Tom Alter and others; her relationship with her aunt whom she called her soulmate and other family members; her memories from theatre and movie sets, and her personal stories. She talks about her father's two marriages, her mother's loneliness and depression despite being educated and smart, her brother's personal struggles while being a CA and a wonderful teacher, and her own life lessons involving these people and many others. She talks warmly and wisely about her motherhood - about the highs and lows, and how her daughter was 'worth all of it and more....'

She bares herself and admits her mistakes. She makes one think how being bold and courageous looks good from a distance, but is very painful and challenging. She shares how she kept longing for a stable family and an A-star role for a long, long time. Few years ago, she finally got married as she did not want to be labelled as a mistress, and started getting lead roles after her Instagram post went viral.

Her story is endearing. It sways between Delhi and Mumbai. Her family members dealt with their own complications but came into her life making their contributions. Her friends supported her but mostly, she was on her own. Ultimately, it was her life and her choices. One may judge her, but she is real. While she laments being low on self-esteem, I feel this was meant to be. To be the woman she is, she had to go through loneliness, fear, and humiliation. Because then when you come back, you know it cannot get any worse.

I love her for writing this book. She gives me hope, and she affirms that this is how life is for everyone. You make your own mistakes, and the only way out is to keep going. Also, she shows that life is not only about big things like a dream role in a movie, but about simple and little joys too. She writes that her father always peeled two oranges, and gave her the sweeter one. That, to her, was 'the biggest expression of love'.